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Kelzini
Kelzini (The Cutie) is a witch and shapeshifter with strong magical abilities, capable of extreme transmutation magic. His past is relatively unknown, though it is known that Kelz fought in a short war as a mere child, being on the losing side for much of it before decimating the opposing force with one powerful attack. Kelz has shown a distaste towards Neonhilism because he sucks really bad at Borderlands. It was only in Chapter 3000 that Kelzini's gender was revealed to be a boy after that arc's antagonist, Coochie Consumer 400, tried to take his coochie only to find out Kelzini had a fat pair of nuts and a huge dick too. Enraged by this revelation, Coochie Consumer ate one of Kelzini's ass cheeks, causing permanent damage as he couldn't balance his body properly from henceforth. While it is uncertain how Kelzini managed to get Edgeworth to marry him (a rather happy one, mind you) it is nevertheless a happy one. It is noted to be one of the few happy, romantic relationships in the series, which causes a significant amount of contention between him and Epic Gamer, as Epic pours out copious amount of green liquid from his eyes when he sees them together. While not an official member of Gang Weed, Kelzini is noted as being one of its strongest helpers, coming and helping in times of crisis and even hanging around sometimes (much to everyone's dismay). When he is around, he is noted to be very brash and quick witted, not afraid to insult people or say the n word, which has gotten several people killed, including himself. Kelzini's sudden death in Chapter 11037 marked a turning point in the series, as it opened the floodgates for traps to be killed off. Kelzini was eventually resurrected, as his lover Miles Edgeworth managed to save up enough money to buy him a 1-UP mushroom. While not an avid fan of things like "JoJokes," Kelzini likes to participate if only to show these chumps what real comedy is. He has yet to make a single person laugh despite all his funny moments. ABILITIES: Funny: Makes you laugh so hard like so fucking hard like Jesus can you stop laughing it's getting annoying. Doesn't work on enemies without ears. Shape shifting: Can bestow the power of changing himself or anyone he wants into anything he wants. Despite this, he refuses to use it because he enjoys the challenge, much to the disdain of the other Gang Weeders. Denied Coochie: A soul shattering attack that will instantly knock out anyone effected by it. He offers the target some coochie, only to show them his trap dick, and have the target be crushed under the weight of the reality that they have big gay. The only survivor of this attack is GamingBlur. Just being really mean: Like, wow, take a chill pill dude. Who sauced your salami the wrong way? Jesus. FUN FACTS: *Josuke Higashikata's biggest known fan and owns every piece of merch for him, like a loser. *One of the members of the powerful gang known as Anti-Earthbound Gang, which is yet to be found out by anyone. *Only ever has correct opinions, and loves to flaunt them. *Wears a celebratory diaper after every successful battle. Every. Single. One. *Knows at least 12 other languages but it's all indecipherable clicking noises. *Auditioned for the role of Luke Skywalker in the hit movie series "Star Wars" but was swiftly denied for "Not having been born yet." *Known to chew off his fingernails and spit them out as weapons in dire times.